Blog #662: Haunts That Keep Haunting

Into my email I reach.
The topic is regrets.

Anonymous has them.
I’m asked if I do.

______

Shawn –

I read your Thursday emails. You won’t recognize this email address, however, because I’m ashamed to share my real identity.

I recently had a milestone birthday, and I’m feeling my age and the consequences of bad choices. It’s more than being unhappy with my physical appearance. I’m also full of regret about previous decisions. I made a terrible career choice and have made other choices in my personal life that are playing out poorly. I’m the antithesis of success.

Your blogs are good at finding the positive in the bad. Tell me – what’s positive about making wrong choices that last for years? How have you handled your most serious regrets?

I know I’ve made my bed and have to live with my choices, but I wish it were easier. Thank you for your time and your suggestions.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

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To my friend, Anon…

I feel your email…
and I am sorry you’re living with that.

To help keep my own thinking organized…
I’ll address your email in two parts.

1. Why?

If I let my brain linger on my past…

I could easily write out a long list of regrets.

But why do that to myself?

Why make myself head sick?

If I can’t change a regret, bad decision, or past mistake…

Why would I dare allow it to keep haunting my present?

I read Old Yeller as a kid…and it broke my heart.

Why would I want to feel that again?

I watched The Omen in high school…and it scared me for months.

Why would I want to feel that again?

Regrets are the same.

I’m not pressing replay to feel any of mine again.

It does my current and future happiness zero good to rewind the past.

______

2. How?

If regrets can’t offer a valuable lesson for today…

they only serve to screw up our emotions.

Sure…

We can forever wish for a different ending…

But it’s never going to happen.

Yesterday’s results are written in the history books.

But we still hold the pen in writing the results of today and tomorrow.

How can we avoid future regrets?

A. Train our brains to see the positive. Every day, verbalize a day’s highlight.

B. When regret seeps in, say “Thank you!” for the good things. Gratitude outweighs regret.

C. Struggling to make a current “outside your comfort zone” decision? Ask yourself: “What will I wish I would’ve done a year from now?” That stops my regret from growing wings.

There’s nothing we can do about past regrets.

There’s everything we can do to avoid creating future ones.

Take thoughts off yesterday.

Set sights on tomorrow.

That’s how we live our best life today.

I wish you well as you find your balance again.

With gratitude for your email…

S.