Blog #563: I Thought I Knew

Once Upon a Time…
I thought I knew what “gratitude” meant.

Until…

I discovered I wasn’t even close.

Of course…

My brain KNEW the definition of the word “gratitude.”
But what my brain knew, my heart didn’t.

Until…

One magical walk through a Spanish valley… in the storm and the mud.

______

It was eight years ago.

It wasn’t Thanksgiving.
It wasn’t even the holiday season.

Instead…

It was on a 550-mile solo walking adventure across Spain.

THAT is where I found it.

The feeling.

______

One day, about 200 miles into the hike…

I got trapped in a valley by an unrelenting, NASTY rainstorm.
I had nowhere to hide…no buildings, no trees…and no umbrella.

I was three miles away from protective cover, and the trail I was walking was composed of a weird clay that had the magical dark power to quickly turn into ultra-squishy, deep-sinking mud…fast.

Each step I took became slower as my ankles sunk deeper.
Each step became heavier as my sneakers became caked with building mud.

It was absolute misery.

______

In THAT moment of muddy, wet chaos…

My brain began drowning in crazy negativity…and the dialogue got hugely desperate. “I’m really screwed!” I said to myself.

But then weirdness hit.

It was either my own conditioned positive self-talk kicking in…or was it…?

I heard a whisper in my head:
“Say…thank you.”

The whisper turned to a voice:
“You’ve never done anything like this, and you’re lucky to be living this outrageous once-in-a-lifetime adventure. Say…thank you.”

I started an argument in my head with a voice that was also…mine:
“How can I say what I no way feel?

The Whisper:
“Just do it. Say the words. Say…thank you.”

I just went with it.

I thought the words: “Thank you.”
And then I whispered the words: “Thank you.”
And then I said the words out loud: “Thank you.”
And then I said the words…and meant it: “Thank you!”

Momentum built.

“Thank you…for seeing, feeling and living things I’ve never seen, felt or lived!”
“Thank you…for a bed last night, food this morning and money for tonight!”
“Thank you…for being able to experience this unbelievable adventure!”
“Thank you…for the energy to keep my feet moving forward!”

It was Once Upon a Time…

When I learned that “gratitude” is more than a word to use.

It is a feeling to feel.

______

Happy Thanksgiving.

May this holiday you find “gratitude.” Not just the simple word nonchalantly used at Thanksgiving dinner…but the magical feeling connected to the word.

The real deep, heart-hugging emotion that reminds us that it is awesome to be here…that everything will work out…and that we’re lucky in 100 ways.

And…

May we each find our purest…Thank you.

Because as a desperate hiker learned Once Upon a Time…

It’s not happiness and harmony that spark our greatest gratitude.
It’s our greatest gratitude that sparks happiness and harmony.