Blog #753: The Uncomfortable Mirror

I was getting ready to go for a hike.

My shoes were waiting by the door.
My backpack was loaded down and ready.

Then a thought quietly walked into the room.

______

“I don’t feel like it.”

Nothing unusual.

Except this time…

I heard it differently.

A second thought immediately followed.

“You say that a lot.”

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THAT thought stopped me.

Not because it was new.

Because it wasn’t.

“How many times have I thought that?”

A hundred?

A thousand?

More?

Somewhere along the way…

I’d stopped questioning the thoughts.

I’d started obeying them.

That scared me.

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Because I wasn’t just skipping a hike.

I was practicing a habit.

And habits eventually become our lives.

A decision postponed.

A dream delayed.

A step never taken.

Until one day we look back and wonder…

“When did I start choosing smaller?”

That’s the haunting part.

There’s no way to count the life we never lived.

______

Then another question hit me.

“How much of my life have I traded away…

without ever realizing I made the trade?”

Maybe the most uncomfortable mirror isn’t made of glass.

Maybe it’s finally noticing a thought we’ve repeated so many times…

we don’t even hear it anymore.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I’m too busy.”

“Maybe next year.”

“I’m too old.”

“That’s just who I am.”

The thoughts that limit our lives rarely sound dangerous.

They sound reasonable.

Then, little by little…

They start making our decisions.

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There were mornings…

In Italy when the bed felt safer than the trail.

Mornings in Japan when my body argued with every mountain-climbing step.

Days I wanted to quit.

I walked anyway.

I’ve learned to take the next step when I don’t feel like it.

If I’d only written when I felt inspired…

there would be 125 Extra Mile Thursdays instead of 753.

If I’d only done the hard things on the days I felt like doing them…

most of the life I’m grateful for would never have been lived.

Not once have I finished a hard day and thought…

“I wish I hadn’t done that.”

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So I tied on my sneakers, hoisted up the backpack…

And went on the hike.

Not because I suddenly felt like it.

I didn’t.

I went because I refused to let one familiar thought quietly shrink my life.

Maybe that’s the real uncomfortable mirror.

Not discovering the thoughts that visit us.

Discovering the thoughts we’ve been obeying.

______

So today…

Listen carefully to what you’re telling yourself.

Be careful what you keep repeating.

One day…

You’ll stop calling them thoughts.

You’ll call it your life.

S.

(Audio version)